A Day in the Life of a Starcraft Newbie
by Alcyone Fletcher
Summary: This is a strange fiction that suddenly popped into my mind. Starcraft newbies have to be taken care of. Or else, the Protoss are in mortal danger...
1. Durtz the Newbie

THE GAME OF A STARCRAFT NEWBIE  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Also, I'm not writing this to ridicule newbies... it's just something that popped into my mind.  
  
P.S. Yeah, I'm Durtz on b.net. No, I don't play like that.  
  
One day, Durtz started his Starcraft game up again, like usual. Then, suddenly, he saw something he had never seen before- a button named "Multiplayer."  
  
"Multiplayer? All right!" He said under his breath and immediately connected to Battle.net, signing in. He played a couple of games and then decided to join a game called "4vs4 Fastest Possible Map", anticipating his first win ever. He chose to be Protoss.  
  
Soon, the game started. Durtz sent his four Probes to mine minerals and created one to build. First, he built a Pylon. "Oh, dang. 0 minerals. I'm going to have to wait to build the Gateway."  
  
8 minerals. 16. 22. 28.  
  
All right!  
  
Durtz waited impatiently for his Gateway to be completed. "Ah, I need  
to go to The bathroom." He stood up and ran downstairs. When he was back, he noticed that Purple was playing badly- only a Nexus, Pylon, and a Gateway.  
  
"Purple," he typed.  
  
No answer.  
  
"PURPLE!"  
  
Suddenly, a message from "NebulaRoamiePerson" popped into his screen. "You're purp!!!!"  
  
"Oh," Durtz typed and started creating some zealots to cover up his embarrassment.  
  
"You must construct additional Pylons."  
  
"All right." Durtz sent his Probe to build another Pylon in a random place. Soon, a few zealots were completed. Durtz decided to build a Forge. And just as his Probe was going there...  
  
"The warriors have engaged the enemy." Aldaris growled.  
  
"What? This early? No way!" Durtz exclaimed. Twenty-four orange marines had intruded his base and were shooting at the Pylon. In a panic, he hurled his zealots at them and frantically typed, "POWER OVERWHELMING".  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"POWER OVERWHELMING", he typed again.  
  
"What are you doing, purp?" LosSencAMIel typed.  
  
"Someone's attacking me," Durtz typed. "Why isn't it working?" He tried typing, "Operation CWAL" next. Still, nothing.  
  
By now, the marines had demolished his Gateway and half-constructed Forge and were starting on his Nexus.  
  
"Help me!" Durtz typed. And that was the end of poor Durtz.  
  
NEXT CHAPTER- What the Protoss think of Durtz 


	2. The Protoss Take Action

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.  
  
PS. I'm not a "he"...But it just seemed more appropriate to make Durtz male in this fiction. Oh, and I finally got an idea for this fic. It's completely original, so if this story bears resemblance to any other fics... well, it shouldn't...  
  
Aldaris grimaced. "Wonderful. We must again succumb to the foolish wills of a newbie player. How longer must we tolerate this?" He sat back in his plush chair inside the Nexus and took a sip of coffee to calm his raw nerves. What atrocities would the Protoss have to undergo this time? Having to send Zealots to defend their base one by one? Or perhaps rushing the Zealots into a Mutalisk-infested base? Or attacking a mass of Zerglings with a few Dragoons? Or...  
  
He shuddered and gulped all the coffee down. Then he climbed to the top of the Nexus to oversee the base. "Durtz", the idiot player who was controlling him, was using the allotted four Probes to harvest the minerals.  
  
Aldaris rolled his eyes. How stupid could Durtz be? Soon, Durtz had created a Pylon and Gateway.  
  
"My life for Aiur."  
  
.....  
  
"My life for Aiur."  
  
.....  
  
"My life for Aiur."  
  
......  
  
Aldaris sat back and watched. "You must construct additional Pylons," He finally said in a bored voice  
  
Meanwhile, the Zealots were conversing with each other on how idiotic Durtz was. "I have never been this bored in my entire 4-minute life," one complained.  
  
"I thought we were fighting for Aiur, not Durtz," said another.  
  
Suddenly, Aldaris heard the sound he sometimes loved and sometimes hated- Gauss rifles. "The warriors have engaged the enemy," He growled and headed off to make some more coffee.  
  
This took 4 minutes. As he returned to his seat with a hot mug, he felt the Nexus shake. Pieces of shielding came splintering down on him. "Here we go again..." He muttered. "I'm getting out of here." He downed his coffee and quickly exited the Nexus from the back door. There, he called an Arbiter to warp him back to Aiur.  
  
Safe back on Aiur, Aldaris brooded in his room. "Why must I put up with all that? I am a HERO High Templar, for goodness sakes. When is that Durtz ever going to learn?" Irritated, he cast a psionic storm on an unsuspecting Kakaru that blundered by. Not only did he have to watch over his single-player missions, but also his multiplayer games... This was driving him crazy.  
  
Durtz would have to get better in a few days... or Aldaris would get the other Judicators to get rid of him.  
  
That night, Aldaris waited till Durtz was away from the computer. Midnight. He pushed aside the glass surface of the computer monitor and slowly slipped out. He stealed into Durtz's room and suddenly shook him.  
  
"Snorkkkk... Wha?" Durtz muttered and opened one eye. Then he bolted upright. A tall figure stood beside him, glowing eerily.  
  
"Hey, you look like the Protoss dude on the com screen." Durtz said, once he had gotten over the initial shock.  
  
"I am. And I am not a 'Protoss dude', I am Judicator Aldaris. Now come along. We have much to do."  
  
"What is it?" Durtz asked sleepily as he was dragged into the computer. "Oh, my glasses!" He reached back outside just in time.  
  
They were now standing on a high wall in Aiur. Aldaris glared at Durtz. "Your bad playing is causing all of Aiur to suffer. You must get better, or..." He shot a psionic storm high above him.  
  
"All right, I'll try!" Durtz screamed.  
  
"Good. Now the best way for one to learn the war practices and techniques of the Protoss is for one to become a Protoss himself. And that means that you will have to step down from the position of Executor and be a warrior. At least for now."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. Blades in Hydras Feel Gross

Warning: Somewhat AU.

Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say this, I don¹t own Starcraft or any of the characters in this story, except for Durtz, which is a parody of my newbie self. Also, I¹m not sure whether Protoss have mouths or not- probably not, right? Which makes it illogical for Aldaris to be actually speaking to Durtz. Hm... Maybe Durtz just has mental telepathy here.  
----------------------  
  
           Aldaris frowned as Durtz tried the smallest Zealot suit on. "Try walking," he commanded. Durtz managed to clomp three feet forward before Aldaris stopped him. 

"You look like a walking Zealot suit," Aldaris grumbled. "Blargris!"  A younger, somewhat stupid-looking Protoss appeared. "Yes, Judicator?"  
  


"Can you construct a Zealot suit 5 sizes smaller? And a Protoss mask?  Terrans just don¹t look good in these suits."  
  


Blargris' orange eyes turned red for a moment. "What for? Who is this scrawny Terran-ling anyway?"  
  
            "Just do it!" Aldaris barked. Blargris quickly retreated. Aldaris turned to Durtz. "You see, if I had told him your name, he would most likely have torn you apart."  
  
---------------------------  
  
            The next morning, Blargris returned with a Zealot suit and a Protoss  
mask just the right size for Durtz. "I still do not understand why a Terran must become a Zealot."  
  
            Aldaris glared at him. "No one questions me. Now go away, and please, no more questions!"  
  
            The training began. Fortunately, Durtz had been a jock at his school before he decided to take on the career of a nerd, so he learned relatively fast. Of course, Aldaris was often annoyed by his smart-aleck ways. "Learn some manners!" He would yell every time Durtz tried to act like a know-it-all. "Remember, I was Executor long before you! ... Er, Tassadar was, but that doesn't matter."  
  
---------------------------  
  
           Finally, Aldaris decided to take Durtz to Shakuras, where the Protoss had built a base to attack the Zerg. They were warped right into the middle of a group of Zealots.  
  
             "Aldaris?" They all exclaimed.  "Why are you here?"  Then they all looked down at Durtz.  "And why do you have a child Zealot with you?"

            Aldaris frowned at them.  "Why does everyone keep bothering me?  All I can tell you is that I'm trying to save Aiur."

            The Zealots all shrugged and gave each other strange looks.  Suddenly, they heard the Photon Cannons activate.  

            Five Hydralisks and eight Zerglings were charging at their base.  Before the Zealots arrived, they had already destroyed one Photon Cannon.  Soon, the Zerglings were nothing but carcasses.  Aldaris frowned at Durtz.  "Don't just stand there!" Durtz scuttled off toward the Hydralisks, all the time grumbling about how Aldaris never practiced what he preached.

            Durtz rushed headlong into a Hydralisk and impaled it with the two psi blades.  The Hydralisk fell backwards.  Durtz stumbled over the dead Hydralisk.  "I can't get my blades out!" he screamed in panic as another Hydralisk approached.  The other Zealots quickly put it out of its misery and turned to Durtz.  "Just cut through."

            Aldaris shook his head as he watched the mess.  "You need to experience more battles."

            The vortex in the Gateway suddenly began to swirl again.  Out stepped Fenix.  "Strange midget warrior you've warped in, Aldaris.  I've been watching the battle, and as far as I can see, he's not very good either."

            "He has to learn everything, Fenix." Aldaris 'whispered'.  "His name is Durtz."

            Fenix shook his head in disbelief.  "You must be joking.  Wouldn't it be quicker if we just got rid of him now?"

            "We don't want to be sued.  Besides, killing Terrans doesn't do a lot of good in our situation."

            Suddenly, the transmitter on Aldaris' wrist beeped.  "Incoming transmission..."  On the flickering com screen, Tassadar's face showed.  "Aldaris, we're having trouble here with the Zerg. Come to Terran base 3 as soon as possible."  The transmission ended.

            "Stay here, Fenix.  I have to go."  

Fenix nodded.

            Aldaris dragged the reluctant Durtz onto a Carrier.  As soon as he was gone, all the Zealots looked at each other again.

            TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Maladroits and Nerve Cords

Disclaimer: I don't own Starcraft or anything pertaining to Blizzard...

            The Carrier arrived safely in a few minutes without Zerg interference.  As Aldaris exited the ship, Tassadar and Jim Raynor nearly ran over him.

            "What is it?" Aldaris asked crossly.

            "Haven't you heard my transmission, Aldaris?" Tassadar answered in an equally cross voice.

            "Yes, but that does not explain a thing.  I demand..." he was cut short by as he felt a Glave Wurm slam against his shield.

            "How's that for an explanation?" Raynor retorted and ran for the Hyperion.  Aldaris looked up.  Several Mutalisks hovered overhead, ramming Glave Wurm attacks mercilessly against everything in their sight.  A mass of Hydralisks was attacking the defenses to the west, while Zerglings were pouring into the base from the east.  Aldaris ordered his base to send help and he hastily followed Tassadar into a Scout.

            "Wait for me!" Durtz shouted, but both Templar were in too much of a hurry to hear- and the Scout left the landing pad.  While the Hyperion and the Terrans in the base concentrated on the Zerg ground units, they attacked the Mutalisks.

            "This is insane, Aldaris," Tassadar yelled over the noise of the screaming Mutalisks.  

"Not if I use my psionic storm." Aldaris concentrated... and abruptly stopped, nearly screaming in pain.  The psionic lightning filled the entire bridge, fizzling and cracking.  Tassadar ducked.  "You forgot to open the window!"

"What?"

"Open the window!"

            Aldaris yanked the window open and stuck his upper body out.  This time, the storm focused on its rightful target, tearing them apart slowly while Tassadar fired on them with the Scout.  Suddenly, the Scout jerked violently.  Aldaris struggled to keep his grip on the windowsill.  "Watch it, Tassa--- Aaaaaaaah!" Another jerk sent him hurtling out of the window.

            Durtz stood right below, staring stupidly as the Protoss came screaming down.  A millisecond before impact, Durtz finally realized the imminent danger and began to consider running, but it was too late.

            THUD.

            "You're heavy!" Durtz shouted as Aldaris tried to get to his feet.  Durtz struggled and suddenly scraped a few of Aldaris' nerve cords with his psi blades in the process.

            "ME NERVE CORDS!" Aldaris bellowed.

            "What?"

            "Ye damage me nerve cods!" Aldaris yelled again.

            "Oh.  I'll get the medic." Durtz trotted off.  Another Glave Wurm came spinning toward him.  Aldaris stumbled out of the way just in time and rubbed his nerve cords, distressed.  Most likely he wasn't going to be able to communicate normally for at least...(he shuddered) a week.  Oh, the humiliation, the pain, the... exasperation.  Aldaris raced after Durtz.  "Me nerve cords!  Me cords!  You mal...malad... maladroit!"

---------------------

            The Marines had taken care of most of the Hydralisks and Zerglings by now, despite the heavy losses.  Durtz retched at the sight of blood staining the ground, but somehow managed to stagger into the Command Center.  "Medic!"

            A woman in white ran out of one of the rooms.  "Where does it hurt?"

            "It's not me who's hurting, it's him!" Durtz turned and pointed at Aldaris, who was charging into the Command Center, snorting and bellowing madly, nerve cords flailing this way and that, his orange eyes switching colors red, purple, blue, and green alternatively.

            "Sorry!  I'm sorry!" Durtz wailed and leaped out of the way.

            Tassadar had finished the Mutalisks off and now came rushing after Aldaris.  "Give him coffee, Medic!  Hurry!" The Medic looked at them strangely for a moment and disappeared.  She soon returned with a mug of coffee, and Tassadar shoved it into Aldaris' hands.  Aldaris drained it down in one gulp- and was completely sane again.

            "Ahhh, I needid dat."

            "Of course you did," Tassadar replied.  "Now what do we do about your nerve cord?"

            "Fikth it!"

            Durtz looked doubtfully at the Medic. 

            "I can try..." she aimed the device at Aldaris' nerve cords.  After a while, she shook her head.  "Nope.  I can't heal telepath abilities.  You'll just have to wait for it to heal naturally."

            "Take it like a Templar, Aldaris," Tassadar said solemnly.

            Aldaris nodded slowly and tried to say something again.

            Then, the ground shook.  Again.  

            Jim Raynor hurried into the Command Center.  "Another attack," he panted.  "I'm not sure this base is going to hold out this time."

            Tassadar looked outside.  The Barracks and Starport were only smoldering rubble on the ground.  Only 11 Marines stood outside, clustered about the command center closely.  Three firebats were getting their flamethrowers ready.  And in the distance, floods of Zerglings and Hydralisks could be seen, steadily approaching.  Even a few Guardians were becoming more visible every second.

            "I've a suggestion," Raynor said as Tassadar came back inside.

            "What's that?" Tassadar, Aldaris, and Durtz said in unison.

            "We run."

            In a few minutes, the remaining Dropships were filled with the survivors of the base and took off as fast as they could.  But, of course, the Mutalisks just had to notice.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
